Family time and looking after siblings

Family time describes the many ways children stay connected with their birth family and wider network when they can’t live at home. This includes time with siblings.

Family time helps children:

• heal from separation and loss
• learn about their culture, history and identity
• feel reassured that important people are still part of their lives.

Family time can be direct (face‑to‑face visits, overnight stays, video calls) or indirect (phone calls, texts, letters, photos, gifts, online gaming).

Family time may involve parents, siblings, relatives, Elders, previous carers, friends, community members — and sometimes even pets.

All children have a right to family time, where it is safe to do so.

Research shows that regular, meaningful family time:

• strengthens identity and belonging
• reduces feelings of abandonment
• supports emotional wellbeing
• helps children process grief and loss
• improves long‑term mental and physical health outcomes.

Children who maintain relationships with family and siblings tend to have better socio‑emotional wellbeing than those who don’t.

Family time works best when carers and families are respectful, open and focused on the child’s needs — with caseworkers supporting collaboration.

Decisions about who a child spends time with, how often, and what that time looks like are made either by the Children’s Court through a court order, or by your agency.

All decisions prioritise the child’s safety and best interests.

These decisions set out:

• who the child can spend time with
• how that time happens (for example, face-to-face, phone calls or letters)
• how often it occurs
• whether the time needs to be supported, such as supervised contact

Sometimes a court order may prevent certain people from having contact with the child.

Family-time arrangements are tailored to the child’s individual needs.

Things that influence decisions include:

• the child’s age
• their safety
• whether they are likely to return home

Children likely to return to their parents often have more frequent face-to-face contact.

For children in long-term care, visits may be less frequent, with contact via phone, video, letters, or messages instead.

Contact arrangements are part of the child’s Case Plan and are reviewed regularly to make sure they still meet the child’s needs.

If everyone agrees — including the carer, parents, child (where appropriate) and caseworker — contact arrangements can be changed.

For a court order to be officially changed, the updated agreement must be registered with the Children’s Court.

If there is disagreement, an application must be made to the court to change (vary) or cancel (rescind) the order.

Your agency decides whether to apply to the court as part of the child’s Case Plan. Parents and carers can also apply to the court to change care orders, including contact orders.

When reviewing contact arrangements, your agency will speak with everyone involved and consider their views.

Openness means helping children stay connected to their parents, siblings, extended family, culture, and religion — not just through visits, but through everyday actions.

Children benefit when they:

• can ask questions about who they are and where they come from
• see their carers respectfully acknowledge and value their family
• feel safe talking about all the important people in their lives.

‘Tummy Mummy’ is always mum. Always. Sometimes it’s hard to share. It’s difficult. But it’s the best for him. 

 

Clodagh, carer, Miranda

As a carer, you play an important role in keeping children connected.

Your role may include:

• preparing the child before visits
• supporting them during and after contact
• keeping a record of how visits go
• sharing helpful information about the child’s experiences in care

Sometimes you may:

• take the child to and from visits
• supervise contact (if this is part of the approved Case Plan)

At other times, a caseworker or contact worker may do this. Your role can change over time, depending on the child’s needs.

You strongly influence how a child sees themselves and their family.

Try to:

• stay calm and positive when talking about family time
• avoid expressing anger or anxiety about contact arrangements
• avoid blaming or criticising the child’s family

When relationships between carers and birth families are respectful and cooperative, children can feel connected to both without feeling disloyal or conflicted.

Let your caseworker know as soon as possible if you need to change a visit.

Some children feel anxious before or after seeing their birth family. You may notice changes in their behaviour around visit times.

It can help to:

• prepare them in advance (who will be there, where it will happen, what to expect)
• listen without pressuring them to share details
• reassure them and help them manage big feelings
• encourage them to talk about how they feel before and after contact

Your support helps children feel more confident and safe during family time.

You can support family time by:

• being positive when talking about visits
• helping the child take drawings, schoolwork or special items to share
• keeping an open mind about the birth family
• remembering that most parents love their children
• asking parents (where appropriate) about their views on education, health, clothing or hairstyles
• supporting approved phone calls, emails or video contact
• helping the child send birthday, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day or Christmas cards (if appropriate)
• sharing photos or updates with parents (where approved)
• supporting contact on culturally or religiously significant days
• encouraging the child to express their feelings safely

• allow unsupervised contact unless it is part of the approved Case Plan
• take out frustration or anxiety on the child
• put yourself in a situation where you feel unsafe
• make promises you can’t keep
• take on the role of counsellor for the child or their family

If you’re unsure about your role or feel uncomfortable about any aspect of family time, speak with your caseworker.

DCJ uses a broad definition of sibling. This can include:

• children who share both parents or one parent
• half‑siblings or step‑siblings
• children who have grown up together and see themselves as family
• kin or others who are identified as siblings because of their social or emotional connection.

Wherever possible, siblings are placed together. When this isn’t possible, every effort is made to support regular, meaningful contact — always guided by what is in each child’s best interests.

If you need help understanding a sibling situation, managing challenges, or accessing extra support, talk with your caseworker. Sibling support services may also be available.

Keeping siblings together in the same placement has many benefits. It can:

• support a strong sense of identity and belonging
• help children cope with change and loss
• provide comfort through shared experiences and history.

Depending on your approval, you may be asked to care for a sibling group.

What you might notice

• Strong loyalty and emotional bonds — siblings may rely heavily on one another.
• Different roles — one child may act as a leader or take on a caring or ‘parent‑like’ role. This isn’t always the eldest child.

• Respond to each child as an individual, while respecting their family bonds.
• Be patient with children who have taken on adult‑like responsibilities — acknowledge their maturity and give them time to adjust.
• Model calm, respectful behaviour. Over time, children will learn that expectations and responses in your home may be different from what they’ve experienced before.

Sibling conflict is common and may reflect past experiences of trauma, exposure to violence, or environments with few boundaries.

If conflicts are frequent or violent:

• talk with your caseworker early
• consider whether a referral to a psychologist, therapist or other professional would be helpful.

Separated siblings may keep in touch by:

• attending the same childcare centre or school
• going to the same church or place of worship
• joining the same youth group (e.g. Scouts or Girl Guides)
• playing on the same sports team
• sharing activities such as art, music or dance lessons
• participating in local community events.

Children who are separated from siblings often need additional emotional support. Caseworkers may:

• explain why siblings are living apart
• seek the child’s views and involve them in decisions
• listen to worries, fears and questions
• share information about where siblings live and who cares for them
• help plan how, when and where contact will happen
• arrange counselling if needed.

You can support sibling connections by:

• talking with your caseworker if separation is affecting the child in your care
• recording shared experiences in photos or stories and adding them to the child’s My Life Story Book
• encouraging contact through visits, calls, letters, emails or video — where this aligns with the Case Plan
• helping with transport or hosting visits in your home, if appropriate
• supporting children through disappointment if visits are cancelled
• involving the caseworker early if contact arrangements become difficult.

In rural and remote areas, distance may make contact harder. Caseworkers and agencies can work with carers to find practical solutions and support costs where possible.

Good sibling contact takes planning and flexibility.

Consider:

• the child’s wishes, age and maturity
• the permanency goal and care plan
• safety and wellbeing for everyone involved.

After visits, check in with the child about what worked well and what they’d like to be different next time. These conversations help strengthen relationships and guide future planning.

• Display family and sibling photos in your home
• Share achievements, milestones and updates (where appropriate)
• Support letters, drawings, calls and video chats
• Include siblings in life story work
• Speak positively and respectfully about siblings and family
• Be reliable and consistent with planned contact.

Your support plays a powerful role in helping children maintain lifelong sibling relationships that strengthen identity, resilience and wellbeing.

• Aboriginal children are placed with siblings wherever possible.
• If siblings cannot live together, carers and caseworkers work together to maintain contact — as long as it is safe and in the best interests of all children.
• Family time may be supported by Aboriginal practitioners, family, kin or community members to ensure culturally safe and meaningful connections.

Family time can be challenging. You might notice:

• tension about visit frequency
• changes in the child’s behaviour
• conflict between adults

If contact is not safe right now:

• follow legal requirements and the approved Case Plan
• talk openly with your caseworker about risks and concerns
• keep records of attempts to facilitate safe contact
• maintain indirect connections (letters, photos, life story work) where appropriate

Keeping these connections alive, when safe, helps children reconnect in the future.

If serious concerns arise and your caseworker is unavailable, call the Child Protection Helpline on 132 111.

Sometimes contact may not be safe at a particular time.

If this happens:

• follow all legal requirements and the approved Case Plan
• talk openly with your caseworker about risks and concerns
• document any incidents or attempts to facilitate safe contact
• seek guidance before cancelling or changing arrangements (unless there is immediate risk)

If contact cannot happen safely, children may still benefit from indirect connection, where appropriate. This can include:

• sharing photos
• exchanging letters or drawings
• life story work
• updates about milestones

Keeping connections alive — when it is safe to do so — can help children reconnect more easily in the future.

It can be very difficult if a parent arrives at contact under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

You may feel frustrated or angry.
The child may feel rejected or blame themselves.

Reassure the child that:

• they are not responsible for their parent’s behaviour
• their parent’s substance use is not their fault

If a parent arrives at your home under the influence:

• stay calm
• use a gentle and respectful tone
• avoid criticising or arguing
• keep conversations brief

If the parent becomes aggressive or you feel unsafe, call the police.

If contact is supervised by your caseworker, it will usually be cancelled if a parent arrives under the influence. Carers supporting contact are encouraged to prioritise safety in the same way.

Always check your agency’s policy if you are unsure.

If you are a relative or kinship carer, you may already have a close relationship with the child’s parents.

This can make family time easier — or more complex.

Setting clear boundaries can help. For example:

• parents do not attend your home under the influence
• agreed times and locations are respected

If conflict makes contact difficult, speak with your caseworker about strategies to keep contact safe and child-focused.