Understanding your grief

About this resource

Use this resource to help you understand the emotional responses we can feel when we lose someone we love. 

The resource includes:

• information about general grief services
• book recommendations
• practical suggestions on how to cope with your grief
• where to get help.

This resource was developed by the social work services teams of Auburn, Blacktown, Mt. Druitt and Westmead Hospitals. 

When a death occurs

After losing a person who is close to you, you will feel a range of emotions. This is natural and part of the grieving process. 

No one grieves in the same way. Your experience of grief will go through different stages. In the first few weeks after the death there may be a sense of unreality and numbness. Then, reality slowly begins to set in.

Family and friends can offer support and attention during this difficult time. However, visiting often stops around 4 to 6 weeks' time, which can leave a void and an increasing sense of loss. Often, people have the expectation that you will move on with your life.

Read our practical guide for family members and friends of someone who has died in hospital.

Common reactions, thought patterns and physical sensations

You may feel overwhelmed in the first few weeks to months, and life can seem meaningless. This is a normal reaction. Grief takes time to work through. It is a gradual process and does not end immediately after the funeral. 

Sudden death or loss

Sometimes our reaction to a sudden death or loss could be especially intense. People who have experienced a sudden loss mention not being prepared for the death and feeling like many things were left unsaid. 

It can be helpful to express your feelings, say what you want to say, in a place that's most comfortable to you. For example, going to place that was special to you and the person you lost. 

Anniversaries and special occasions

People who have experienced grief report that the first year is the most difficult. Special occasions like birthdays can be painful. If you feel an event or time of year will be difficult, it can help to plan your activities around that event.

Children and grief

Children go through the same process as adults, but it may be shorter and more intense. Use our factsheets to better understand and support children through their grieving process.

• How do children grieve? (PDF 361.77KB)
• Children and funerals (PDF 418.69KB)
• Helping children deal with grief (PDF 348.77KB)
• Talking to children about an expected death (PDF 437.96KB)
• Making the best of hospital visits for children (PDF 243.93KB)

How others can help

Seeing a person close to you who is grieving can be difficult. We can often feel helpless and uncomfortable, which may not always be helpful to the people grieving. Examples, include:

• avoiding them
• not allowing them cry or express their thoughts and feelings
• telling them it will be okay (dismissing their grief) 

A bereaved person needs time to:

• talk about the deceased when they are ready
• acknowledge and make the loss real to themselves. 

You do not need to find the right words to take away the pain. There are no right words. Sometimes silence and listening are the most helpful.

Practical suggestions

• Be patient with yourself when grieving.
• Write your feelings down to unburden yourself.
• If you prefer, spend time alone or focus on practical matters.
• Talk about your loss with someone close to you, especially when you feel lonely or in distress.
• Talking with someone who wants to listen (in-person or on the phone) can greatly benefit and comfort you.

Remember everyone is different and unique. In time, you'll think of your loss with less pain and put new energy into life and living.