When a child or young person first moves into your care

Helping children settle in

When a child or young person arrives at your home, offer a warm and gentle welcome. Always ask permission before hugging or touching them, and if they are unsure what to call you, let them use your first name. Introduce them to everyone in the household, including pets, and show them around the home and yard. Take a little time to talk about the surroundings so they can begin to get a sense of you and what life will be like in your care.

“These kids need a break. 

And if you can open your heart and open your house and 
allow them in, you can make the world of difference to these kids.”

Sonia, carer, Bondi Junction

Welcome them gently

Show the child or young person their room and where they can keep their belongings. Let them know they are welcome to personalise their space. Offer to help unpack, or allow them to do so at their own pace. Be careful not to pry into their past, criticise their parents, or make negative comments about them. Avoid talking about their parents as if the child isn’t present, including in conversations with your caseworker. Respect their privacy and their need for some time alone.

“Start by creating a positive core memory. 

This can be done by providing a good meal, as food brings people together.”

Youth Consult for Change

When a child or young person comes to stay with you, those first moments can shape how safe, welcome and settled they feel. Your kindness, calmness and clarity help them breathe a little easier.

Share what everyday life looks like in your home

Share with them how your days usually flow—when meals happen, bedtime patterns, school mornings, playtime, and what a normal week looks like—because predictability helps children relax. Simple explanations such as “We usually have dinner around six” or “We read before bed” give them a sense of belonging from the start. 

However, it’s just as important to listen to what children think and feel, especially if they’re not used to routines or find it hard to suddenly follow yours. Whenever possible, blend your household rhythms with what they would like, so they feel included and valued. By gently combining their preferences with your routines, you create safety, respect, and a true sense of home.

Talk about family connection with care

Children’s voices and wishes matter, and it’s important they know their feelings count. Any concerns they have can be raised with their caseworker, and they should always be told when they will be seeing or talking with their family so they feel prepared and included. Conversations about family contact should be gentle, with regular check‑ins to see how the child is feeling before, during, and after. Adults need to follow the plan agreed with the caseworker, keeping details private and respectful, and always speaking with kindness about the people the child loves. This helps children feel safe, valued, and supported.

Always speak positively about their family

Children carry deep love and loyalty for their parents, even during tough times. Avoid criticism or probing questions. Let them yarn about their family when they’re ready, without shame or pressure. Your respect helps protect their sense of identity and emotional safety.

Support them to stay connected

Encourage the child to put up photos, artwork, special toys or items from home. These familiar things help soothe the big feelings that often come with change.

Let them know they can come to you anytime

Explain that they can talk to you—day or night—if they feel sick, have a bad dream, wet the bed, or feel unsure. Reassure them that you’re there for them, and they won’t be in trouble for needing comfort or care.

Learn what matters to them

When it feels right, ask simple things like what foods they enjoy, the games they like, or what helps them feel calm. Keep it relaxed so it doesn’t feel like an interview. These little moments tell a child, “You matter here.”

Respect their privacy and personal space

Let the child choose what they want to share. Don’t pressure them to talk and don’t go through their belongings. Trust grows when a child feels safe, respected and in control of their own story.

Working Together With Your Caseworker

Caseworkers play an important role in helping the child feel prepared and supported before and after they arrive. This may include:

• Sharing general information about your home with the child.
• Talking with them about your routines and expectations.
• Making sure both you and the child have important contact numbers.
• Whenever possible, arranging a call or meeting before they move in.

Children and young people tell us they feel more comfortable when they’ve had a chance to meet or speak with their carer beforehand.

“Don’t expect it to be easy!

Take your responsibility seriously because there will be moments you’ll think,
‘Why have I done this?’
Just remember you’re making a difference in a child’s life.”

Marie, carer, St Ives

Essentials You Should Receive Early On

Your caseworker will provide key information to support the child or young person in your care, including:

• Confirmation of the placement
• A copy of the Care Plan
• Any court orders or updates on court proceedings
• Relevant reports
• The child’s My Life Story Book
• Their Medicare card and Blue Book (Personal Health Record)

“Use the young person’s file to guide your understanding,

but don’t rely on it alone.
Get to know them as a person.”

Youth Consult for Change

DCJ Carer:

If you’re a DCJ carer and the child will be staying with you for three months or more, you’ll receive a signed Confirmation of Placement Agreement. This outlines your responsibilities and what’s needed to meet the Code of Conduct for Authorised Carers.

If the child arrives suddenly and has very little with them, speak with your caseworker about support for essential items like clothing, toiletries and comfort items. Carers may also be eligible for establishment payments.

Non-government agency:

If you’re with a non-government agency, speak with your agency worker about the process for information, support and the agreements connected to your role.

Checklist: Things to Talk About With Your Caseworker — and With the Child When It Feels Right

Health needs

Check any medicines, routines or strategies the child uses to feel safe and well. When it feels comfortable, include the child in these conversations so they feel informed and part of their own care.

Important records

Ask your caseworker for immunisation details, the Blue Book, Medicare card, and a copy of their birth certificate. These help you keep their health care on track.

Family connection

Work with your caseworker to understand the child’s family contact arrangements. Once you know the plan, explain it simply and calmly to the child. Let them share their feelings and preferences so they feel heard and included.

Health check-ups

Plan a doctor and dentist visit for a general check-up. Let the child know it’s routine and just to help keep them healthy—not because anything is wrong.  

Note: Children and young people in out-of-home care (OOHC) often have high and unmet health needs and can be more disadvantaged and vulnerable than other children. NSW Health provides coordinated health assessments for children and young people aged 0 – 17 years in statutory OOHC living in NSW who are expected to remain in care for longer than 90 days. Your caseworker will commence a primary health assessment as soon as possible, ideally within 30 days of a child or young person entering care and keep you updated. For more information and what you can expect.

Be prepared for the first night!

Children and young people may arrive with some of their belongings, but it’s a good idea to have a few essentials ready—just in case. Being prepared helps them feel safe, welcome, and comfortable from the very start.

Consider having on hand:

• Disposable nappies and formula (for babies)
• Toothbrush and hairbrush
• Oversized T-shirt or comfortable clothes, if pyjamas weren’t brought
• Night light to help them feel secure in a new room
• Age-appropriate toys, books, or comfort items

Having these small comforts ready can make the first night easier—for them and for you—and shows them that they are cared for from the moment they arrive.

What it Can Feel Like for a Child Coming into Care

When a child or young person first comes into your home, they may be carrying big feelings that are hard to name or show. Many feel confused, scared, or unsure about what will happen next. Others may feel sad, angry, or even responsible for things that were never theirs to carry.

Some children might shut down and seem distant. Others may try very hard to please, or they might cry, lash out, or pretend they don’t care. These are all normal reactions to a sudden change in their world.

Coming into care can mean losing — even temporarily — the people, places and routines that helped them feel safe: their parents and siblings, their friends, their pets, their room, their community, their school, and the rhythms of everyday life.

All of this can feel overwhelming for a child.

Your calm presence, patience and reassurance can help them start to find their feet again.

"Understand that the young person comes from a place of trauma

 and will experience triggers."

Youth Consult for Change

Navigating loss and change

Children and young people entering care are navigating a big shift in their lives. You can support them by recognising what they’ve lost, understanding how this may show up in their behaviour, and giving them time, space and compassion as they make sense of it all.

Here are some simple ways to walk alongside them:

• Listen when they’re ready
Let them share their thoughts and feelings in their own time. Sometimes they’ll want to talk, and sometimes they won’t — both are okay. Your steady presence helps them feel safe.

• Honour their family and story
Encourage gentle conversations about the people they love and the memories that matter to them. Talking about family can help them hold onto the connections that keep them strong.

• Stay calm when they compare
It’s normal for children to compare your home with what they’re used to. If they say, “Mum lets me…” or “Dad doesn’t do it that way,” respond with understanding. These comparisons are often an expression of loss, not criticism of you.

Being patient and validating their feelings helps them feel seen and supported during a time of great change.

“Be empathetic  -  but careful about what you say.  

This is because you cannot know what the young person has been through".
 

Youth Consult for Change

Building Trust After a Tough Start

Many children and young people in care have learned to protect themselves by being cautious with adults. Trust may not come quickly — and that’s not a reflection on you. It’s simply a sign of what they’ve been through.

Here are gentle ways you can help trust grow over time:

• Keep your word, even in small things
If you say you’ll be there, show up. If you promise a snack after school, follow through. These tiny moments help them learn that adults can be safe and reliable.

• Be patient with big feelings
Some children may test boundaries, push you away, or seem uninterested. These behaviours are often signs of fear, not defiance. Staying calm and consistent shows them they don’t have to manage everything alone.

• Let them set the pace
Don’t rush affection or closeness. Let them decide when they want a hug, a yarn, or some quiet time. Respecting their pace shows them their voice matters.

• Celebrate their strengths
Notice the things they do well — their creativity, humour, courage, kindness — and tell them. Many children haven’t heard positive messages about themselves. Your encouragement helps rebuild their self-worth.

• Create moments of connection
Simple things like reading together, cooking dinner, sharing a laugh, or sitting outside can make a big difference. These everyday moments help them feel safe in your presence.

• Show that mistakes are okay
Let them know everyone gets things wrong sometimes — including adults. When they see that mistakes don’t lead to rejection or anger, they learn they’re safe to be themselves.

Building trust isn’t about having all the answers — it’s about showing up, staying steady, and believing in the child or young person in front of you. With time, safety and kindness, they’ll begin to believe in you too.

Respecting Personal Belongings

The things a child or young person brings with them to your home can be really special. They may hold memories, comfort, or a connection to family and home. Treating these belongings with care helps the child feel safe, respected, and valued.

Here’s how you can support them:

• Give them space: Provide a personal area where they can keep their belongings safe.
• Let them decide: Respect their choice about whether to share items with others.
• Model respect: Make sure everyone in your home, including visitors, treats their property with care.
• Plan for transitions: Ensure they have suitable luggage or storage to take their belongings with them if they move to another carer, return home, or leave care.
• Respect gifts and purchases: Anything bought for the child—clothes, toys, bedding, savings, or special keepsakes—remains theirs. Make sure these items always go with them when they move.

By caring for their personal items, you’re also showing that their feelings, memories, and sense of belonging matter—which can make a big difference in how secure and supported they feel in your care.

“Give the young person space and time  to adjust to the new environment".
 

Youth Consult for Change

Getting used to a new routine

"Remember that your home will have different routines

 and ways of doing things than the child or young person is used to.  
They will need time to understand how the home functions and their place in it."

Youth Consult for Change.

Adjusting to a new home and family can take time—for both you and the child or young person in your care. Their previous routines may be very different from yours, and there may be new challenges to work through together.

Here’s how to make the transition smoother:

• Talk through your day: Share what happens at different times—bath time, bedtime, after-school snacks, and family meals. Giving them time to watch, learn, and practise helps them feel secure. Picture charts can be especially useful, and even better if the child helps make them!
• Food and comfort: Ask what foods they enjoy and what they don’t. Familiar comfort foods can be reassuring in the first few days. Let them try new foods at their own pace. Table manners can come later—focus first on creating a relaxed, positive mealtime.
• Supporting healthy habits: Some children may hoard food if it wasn’t always available to them. You can help by providing a small, lidded container for healthy snacks in their room.
• Explain the rules: Talk about household routines and rules clearly, and give small, age-appropriate tasks. Notice and praise their efforts—like helping clear the table, putting clothes away, or remembering to say please and thank you. Celebrating these little wins helps them feel capable and included.

Remember: routines give children a sense of stability and predictability. With patience, clear expectations, and kindness, your home can quickly feel safe, welcoming, and like their own.

“Don't shame the young person, work with them.  

Instead of shame, use compassion and work together.
Involve the young person in the rule making"

Youth Consult for Change

Respecting their privacy

Children and young people in care have the same right to privacy that any child can reasonably expect from their parents. Respecting their privacy helps them feel safe, trusted, and in control of their own life.

Here’s what that can look like:

• Phone and emails: Let them use the phone and send emails or letters without someone reading them. They can also receive mail privately.
• Personal space and belongings: Their room, pockets, and personal items should be respected. Don’t go through their belongings unless there’s a clear reason—like if you suspect something is dangerous, illegal, or belongs to someone else.
• Thinking it through: When deciding how much privacy to give, consider:
  • Their age and what they can understand or manage
  • Your household and living arrangements
  • The safety and wellbeing of the child and others in the home
  • Any court orders or Case Plan requirements, which might include screening certain communications to keep the child safe

Giving children appropriate privacy shows you trust them, while keeping them safe and supported. It helps build a positive, respectful relationship from day one.

Religion and spirituality

Supporting a child or young person to practise their religion or spirituality helps them feel connected, comforted, and supported in their beliefs.

Here’s how you can help:

• Attending services and activities: Arrange for them to attend religious services or activities in their own faith, unless their parents have asked otherwise.
• Religious instruction: You can provide religious instruction if it feels appropriate, but always make sure:
  • It’s not teaching a religion different from their own if their Case Plan goal is to return home.
  • The child’s views and willingness to participate are respected.
  • They are never pressured or forced to take part in any religious activity or teaching.
  • Instruction does not interfere with plans for them to return home, even if you share the same faith.

Always work with your caseworker for children or young people in long-term care - their Case Plan may include guidance about receiving instruction in your faith, and this should always be followed carefully.

When a child or teenager goes missing

You should always know the whereabouts of the child or young person in your care. If you are concerned that they may be missing, first contact the people who were last with them. If you cannot locate the child quickly, contact your caseworker—using the after-hours number if necessary—or call the Child Protection Helpline on 132 111, available 24 hours. You will be advised on the next steps, which may include contacting the police for assistance.