Deciding with empathy: Lived experience and private guardianship

Guardianship is a legal appointment under the NSW Guardianship Act 1987, but for private and enduring guardians, your role is also relational, emotional and personal. You may already support your loved one as a carer by helping them to attend appointments, assisting with household tasks or offering emotional support. This dual role as legal decision-maker and carer can be complex and emotionally demanding for both you and your loved one. Yet, when viewed through the lens of lived experience, it can also be a journey of resilience, shared understanding and empathy.   
 

Lived experience refers to the knowledge and understanding a person develops only from going through mental health challenges themselves or closely supporting someone who has. As a private guardian with lived experience, you can draw on this insight to make decisions from a place of empathy. 
 

There are many strengths that carers bring to their roles as guardians, such as empathy, understanding, patience, mutuality and respect. For now, let’s focus on empathy and how you can (or do) embed this into your role.  
 

1. Step into their shoes  

   Part of your role is to step into your loved ones’ shoes and consider the decisions they would make if they had the capacity to do so. Ask yourself: what might this decision feel like for them? Is this a choice they might have made for themselves if they were able to? Your personal connection and understanding of your loved one can help you to reflect on their previously expressed views, as well as their current preferences, relationships and values, which can guide your decisions.   
    

2. Remain curious 

   To better understand your loved one’s preferences, relationships and values, you need to consult them. Sometimes their preferences may differ from the views they previously shared. Just like anyone else, they may change their mind or perspective, especially on issues affecting them. It can be tricky to make decisions for your loved one when there is uncertainty, and this is where your empathy and curiosity can help you navigate.  

   For example, keep a record of your loved one’s views over time on issues that are important to them, particularly if they relate to your decision-making functions. If you notice their perspective shifts, approach this with curiosity by asking gentle, open questions about what might have led them to their new perspective. Use empathy by listening carefully and reflecting their views back to them to ensure your understanding, even if you hold a different view. And remember, recording their views is not a once-off task - try to make it an ongoing conversation. Using your empathy will help turn these moments into opportunities for connection instead of conflict.   
    

3. Explain your reasoning 

   Where possible, you should make decisions that align with your loved one’s preferences. However, it is your duty as guardian to make decisions that help to protect them from neglect, abuse and exploitation. Sometimes this may mean making a decision that your loved one disagrees with. If you need to make a different decision, you should explain your reasons in a way that they understand. 

   For example, you could use clear language and link your reasoning to their values: ‘I know independence is important to you. This decision helps to keep you safe so you can continue enjoying that.’ You should invite questions and acknowledge their feelings, even if you cannot change the decision.  
    

4. Empathy starts within 

   You don’t have to navigate your roles alone. Responding with empathy, patience and understanding comes easier when you are well supported.